By Mercedes Oestermann van Essen
Published October 31, 2008
Personal Development
Rating: Unrated
Mercedes Oestermann van Essen
Mercedes Oestermann van Essen is an experienced coach, energy therapist, reiki master and author. Her book Heal Your Grief, Accept Your Loss And Love Your Life Again is available on her web site http://www.ThroughHappiness.comView all articles by Mercedes Oestermann van Essen
If you are past your teens you probably suffered the loss of someone you care for. After all, death is as common as birth but somehow we do not view it as part of the natural process of life. Our culture does not support grieving. Many of us are afraid of death, because we don't understand its innate mysterious and somewhat esoteric nature. Our view of death is formed by social conditioning. We suppress any emotions regarding the subject as best as we can. Unfortunately, this coping mechanism is encouraged by our society and holds many hidden dangers for our long term emotional and physical health. Any kind of suppressed emotion including bereavement and grief over the loss of someone dear, a divorce or other loss, can well truly ruin your life and you may not even know it. When faced with the prospect of someone dear to us dying we invariably are often pushed beyond our mental limits. As if coping with life's changed circumstances wasn't enough we also are pushed to the limits of our understanding of what life and death are all about. Losing someone suddenly, or when we are very young highlights these existentialist fears. Modern society has not got the support system extended family units used to provide in the past. Few take the time to connect properly with each other, let alone give each other the luxury of compassion and understanding when someone goes through the trauma of loss. People are often embarrassed to talk to people who suffered bereavement, feeling they need space. Again, our social conditioning promotes such attitudes. People who suffered loss want to talk, they do not want to be left to cope on their own.When the grief gets too much some people seek refuge in religions or cults. While it might give you temporary support, it is also a surefire way of giving away your personal power and ultimately your freedom. In fact, looking for support in that way can be downright dangerous and lead you into a place of delusion and may estrange you from yourself as well as the real world.Drugs, like alcohol, tranquillisers or antidepressants are socially accepted coping mechanisms. It is easy to become dependant on these and apart from the obvious dangers to your physical health, extended use of drugs can seriously ruin the quality of your life. I cannot understand the wide use of prescription anti depressants. They are down right dangerous often
leading to life long dependence. If you feel overwhelmed with emotions it stands to reason to seek help sooner rather then later. Because the sooner you do the easier and less painful will be your journey back to normality. Let us not forget that grieving over loss is an natural process and if faced and integrated properly can enhance your future rather then diminishing it. Any kind of trauma has a lesson hidden beneath it. You may not always see this when you are immersed in emotions, some of which you may have never felt before. Good counselling and also reading the right material can greatly assist you in dissolving grief, fear anger or guilt. When you are dealing with your issues and integrate the lessons you will learn about yourself and life in general, you will get over your loss so much faster.Loss and the accompanying emotions of bereavement and grief of course goes way beyond losing someone we care for. In fact, divorce, the loss of health or money are all in the same category and need to be coped with and integrated when they occur. Failure to do so can seriously affect the quality of your life. "Getting on with life" is the catch phrase of our society. Too many of us live by this delusory adage. This is all well and good, but I know from my own experience and my experience with many clients that unless you face the bereavement and work on fully integrating it there and then, you will suffer unnecessarily. Parts of your life will not work and sometimes 20 or 30 years later you may realise why, often you may never know where the real reason for your problems originated. That is a tragic waste indeed.Of course, this need not be so. With energy therapy and cognitive therapy you can work gently at resolving, integrating and healing the trauma of any kind of loss. Fortunately, there are many techniques available today and you can take your pick. EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique and Micro EFT are wonderful tools and, if used correctly, can help dissolve emotional blocks easily and quickly. Micro EFT is my preferred tool for dealing with recurring emotions, because it dissolves them gently a bit at a time.If you are lucky enough to realise that you may need help getting over the death of someone you care for or your divorce, or another loss, take steps now to help you recover your equilibrium faster and get your life back on track. Whatever your belief system, one thing is for sure, you have only one shot at this particular life and you may as well be kind to yourself and get the tools to navigate life's challenges as skilfully as you can.
